eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
