Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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