Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
