I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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