Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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