they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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