someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
