I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
