Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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