**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
