Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize