I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
