He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
