you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
