He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
