I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize