dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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