Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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