Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
