You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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