he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
