just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize