Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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