I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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