So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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