My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
