I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
