I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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