Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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