I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
