When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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