You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
