I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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