I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
