Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
