dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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