D3 body, D1 cock
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
