That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
