yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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