Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize