Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
