I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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