Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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