So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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