and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
