i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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