in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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