Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
