Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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