no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
