You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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