I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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