Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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