make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize