Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
