I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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