He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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