Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
