saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
