foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
pray to the hookup gods
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
