So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
