she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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