i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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