Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
